


if you

by Hiirah



Series: because I love you [3]
Category: Big Bang (Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiirah/pseuds/Hiirah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on Big Bang's If You.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you

_***** _

****_She is leaving_  
And I can’t do anything  
Love is leaving  
Like a fool, I’m blankly standing here

 

You couldn’t take it anymore, you were on the verge of leaving me.

 

“You’ve never once said it Ji! ”

 

You stood in the middle of our living room, your face stained of tears. I could see your shoulder shaking and your chests heaving uncontrollably from the lack of air. I could feel your love leaving me with each passing second and I can’t do anything to stop it.

 

I could only watch you in silence, knowing fully well that you are right and I’m just a fool.

 

“I can’t take this anymore! I’m aching for you to say the words back but you never do! You never do Ji!”

 

You threw the pillow on the couch in my direction, feeling the need to express your anger. But you were too weak, the strenght leaving your body and the pillow landed a few feet away from me. Again, I just stood there watching you pack your stuff and head towards the door, your hand lingering on the doorknob. Like a fool, I’m just blankly standing here, rooted at my spot.

 

_Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me._

 

Too late.

 

With a heavy sigh you walk out the door and out of my life.

 

_***** _

****_I’m looking at her, getting farther away_  
She becomes a small dot and then disappears  
Will this go away after time passes?  
I remember the old times  
I remember you

 

Days pass and your scent starts to disappear from the house.

 

I miss you. A lot.

 

But I’m a fool who can’t express how he feels. I could only look at you, getting farther away from me, creating a distance so vast that you had become a small dot on the other side and eventually disappear from my sight.

 

I keep searching for you, looking everywhere for you but you had made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me.

 

Every single day where you’re far away from me, it feels suffocating. I can’t think straight because my mind is filled with you. I’m hallucinating because when I open my eyes all I can see is you you you. When I sleep I dream of you, and when I wake up I see your angelic smile.

 

I wonder…will this go away after time passes?

 

Wherever I go I keep getting flashbacks of the beautiful you. When I go to the café I remembered our moments in which you would always scold me for drinking too much coffee but I would kiss your nose to appease you. When I go to the supermarket at 3AM, I would remember our crazy times when we threw every food on the rack at each other with the aisle being our barrier. We would then play with the basketball machine and you would prevent me from winning by distracting me with your hugs.

 

Now that you’re gone, I could only remember the old times of us.

 

I could only remember the beautiful you.

 

**_*_ **

****_How about you?_  
Are you really fine?  
Guess our break up is setting  
I should forget you but it’s not easy

 

After a month without you by my side I have gone use to the loud silence of the house. Always so cold and always so empty.  

 

It’s missing your warmth and your presence.

 

I ask myself every day; _how about you? Are you really fine?_

 

I worry about you every day since you’ve been gone. Are you eating healthily? Are you sleeping well? Or are you moping around like I am?

 

Seohyun keeps on talking about you whenever we meet up for our weekly meetings. She says that she was initially worried for you at first but now you seem happier and more outgoing.

 

You’ve moved on.

 

Guess our break up is becoming solid now.

 

You’ve managed to move on from me. But I can’t say the same thing about myself. I still long for you.

 

I should forget you, but it’s not that easy.

 

_***** _

**_On days where thin rain falls like today  
I remember your shadow_ **

 

It’s raining today.

 

I sit on our living room couch just watching the rain through the window. The rain keeps making pelting noises against the window pane making it seem like an insistent lullaby.

 

On days like today, where thin rain falls from the dark blue sky, I’m reminded of you.

 

You would jump from wherever you were sitting and put aside your work, while you run outside the house like a child. I would scold you but you would ignore me as you continue standing in the rain, your arms reaching out to the sky. I remembered that day when the rain had fallen late in the evening and just as I was about to come out and drag you inside the house I stopped as I saw the beauty in front of me.

 

There you were standing in the middle of the garden, wearing your white blouse looking like a goddess, but with the sun going down casting shadows of your figure, there was only 1 thing my mind could come up: my ethereal beauty.

 

Even now, as I continue sitting on the couch while looking at the rain outside, I can still remember your shadow.

 

My ethereal beauty.

 

_***** _

**_Our memories that I secretly put in my drawer  
I take them out and reminisce again by myself_ **

**_Why didn’t I know  
About the weight of sadness that comes with breaking up?_ **

 

At night, when I’m too drunk to care about the pain, I would slip into our room. Our room that’s filled with so much good and bad memories that it feels like a slap to my face whenever I enter.

 

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so addicted to alcohol lately. It numbs the pain away.

 

While I’m still drunk I head straight towards my bedside drawer. A stash of our pictures together that I had hid away after you left me. I look through each one of the picture; we were kissing, we were cycling, we were sharing an ice cream, we were at the amusement park, we were…

 

The night would always end with me crying bloodshot tears (most probably due to the alcohol in my system) while I clutch onto the pictures and the haunting words of ‘us’ in past tense ringing in my ears. It’s too soon and I can’t move on yet. I still can’t let you go.

 

Why didn’t I know?

 

If I knew the amount of pain I would have to endure with our break up, I would have tried harder to make you stay. I would have said something to make you believe in me. I would have done anything so that you wouldn’t leave me.

 

But I didn’t.

 

And now I have to face the weight of sadness that comes with breaking up.

 

_***** _

****_IF YOU_  
IF YOU  
If it’s not too late  
Can’t we get back together?  
IF YOU  
IF YOU  
If you’re struggling like I am  
Can’t we make things a little easier?  
I should’ve treated you better when I had you

 

If you’re still there, would you turn back around and run to me?  

If you’re missing me, would you wait for the stupid me?

If it’s not too late, can’t we get back together?

If you’re hurting like how I’m hurting, would you want me back?

If you’re crying every night, would you let me hug you again?

If you’re struggling like I am, can’t we make things a little easier?

If I had another chance, I would treat you better than before.

But I didn’t, and I’ll live with this regret that I should’ve treated you better when I had you. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is an impromptu gift for you guys~ This is my first time writing for Jiyong's pov (usually I write as a third person bcs it's easier) but emotions are better conveyed this way. I was actually working on a G-Yoon prompt last monday but I couldn't continue after 700 words. Probably bcs I had too much idea and I just didn't know how to put it into words. So today, at midnight I was listening to Big Bang's If You again and I decided right there and then that I wanted to make a one shot. So tada!~ Hope you guys enjoy reading and will update the #3 prompt soon :) 
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Daesung's part literally killed me bcs damn him and his power vocals OTL


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